Faith and Family

Yoder: Girl in the Mirror

By Kathy Yoder

This morning, I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror, and for a moment, I saw her. The young girl from so long ago, with wide eyes and fearless dreams. Where did she go?

Where is that girl who simply loved the Lord and believed everything she learned in Sunday School? There were no questions or doubts, only faith with joy.

What happened to that girl with the big dreams? The one who wanted to drive across the country and stop wherever the road took an interesting turn. She dreamed of pulling over at a roadside diner in Montana, scribbling stories on napkins as truckers shared their tales. And in doing so, she hoped to understand her own story a little better.

Where is the girl who wanted to find love that would last a lifetime with someone who wanted adventure, too? To spend a life getting to know that other person as they traveled from one big adventure to the next.

Where is the girl who dreamed of far-off lands, eager to wander markets in Morocco or villages in Vietnam, soaking in the colors, sounds, and stories of people so different yet so familiar? She longed to know: Are their hopes like hers, shaped by the rustle of cornfields in her home state of Iowa? Do they dream of love, purpose, and belonging, or do their dreams dance to a rhythm she’s yet to learn? Those lands seemed strange only because she hadn’t yet met their people, and their stories.

Where is that girl now? The one who never saw barriers but only saw opportunities. The one who dives into change like others dive into the calm waters in the public swimming pool. As they’re coming up for air, she’s diving once again into the waters of change.

I know that girl is still there, buried under life. She’s waiting for the right time to reappear. Older? Yes. Wiser? Hopefully. And yet, she’s been here all along. She’s changed and she’s stayed the same. Isn’t that the story of life? We change. We stay the same. We become the people we’ve always been.

As she ages, the girl in the mirror finds that she’s still conquering fears. Some are the same. Some are different. She wrestles them to the ground, but only with the help of the Lord. Somewhere along the way she discovers an important truth. Wrestling with the Lord is not the answer, because He Himself is the answer. So, she learns once again to simply trust in Him.

She’ll never forget preaching at a small church, her voice trembling as fear whispered, “You’re not enough.” Yet a stranger’s words afterward, “I needed that today,” taught her that God, not fear, has the final say.

The fears now? She kicks them to the side of the road, leaving them in her dust. But isn’t it strange? As one vanishes, another creeps in, like an uninvited guest. It’s like a B-rated sci-fi flick, where the cardboard set topples, revealing wires dangling from flying creatures. You think the monster’s defeated, only for it to morph into a new beast. But here’s the truth. With God as her director, she’s not just surviving the sequel, she’s rewriting the script.

That young girl may not have trekked to every corner of the globe, but the girl in the mirror has discovered that the world comes to her. The farthest distance she’s gone is  stepping outside herself and meeting others where they are. Traveling to their stories, she’s learned to hear the words they do not speak.

One time during a community dinner she met a woman from halfway across the globe, whose quiet story of leaving her homeland echoed the girl’s own search for belonging. In that shared conversation, she found the world wasn’t so far away after all.

She’s learned this in places like DeSoto County, too, where a single visit showed her that Southern hospitality carries the same warmth as an Iowa potluck.

She’s also learned that people, no matter where they are, dream the same dreams: love, purpose, and a place to belong. She’s written their stories. Some she’s even written on her heart where they still live today.

The girl in the mirror has known love for a lifetime, three times over, with Christian men who embraced her adventurous heart. Two have gone to glory, their shared road trips framed in her heart. What a gift to have loved them, and to love a third one right now.

Through it all, she’s learned that change, though uninvited, is her constant companion.  She wishes change would be a distant cousin, someone you see once a decade and hug awkwardly. But then she laughs, realizing the irony. The adventures she craved, (meeting new people, writing their stories, growing closer to God) only arrived through change. The Lord, it seems, has been directing this dance all along.

Aging has taught her to slow down, to sit at Jesus’ feet like Mary did. The girl who once chased every adventure now finds joy in quiet moments, trusting God’s plan for the road ahead.

When I look in the mirror now, I see her. The girl who’s changed and also stayed the same. Older, wiser, and still chasing adventures with the Lord by her side. Take a moment today to look in your mirror. Who do you see? The dreams you had, the fears you’ve faced, the faith that’s carried you. They’re all still there, woven into the person you’ve become. Write down your story and share it with someone. You might just find that the Lord has been writing it all along.

Kathy Yoder is a devotional writer. She may be reached at kathyyoder4@gmail.com and Kathyyoder.com.